[2oldfarts (the rockhounders)]

Sioneva, on Jul 10 2010, 09:13 AM, said:

Dear Granny,

While reading the forums this morning, I noticed that Poster "A" and Poster "P" are now posting in the same area, and it is only a matter of time before they start posting in the same thread. Given that this is a sign of impending apocalypse, what should I do????

Hidden Under the Bed Blue-Bow in Nebraska

Dear Hidden Under the Bed Blue-Bow,

There is a button at the lower left of each and every post named "! REPORT". This is there to notify TPTB that they need to put up the 'All Encompassing Umbrella' because the sky is about to fall. Please feel free to use that button at any time when ever you feel threatened.

In the mean while, you could get in a lotus position and hum - UUUUmmmmmmm, UUUmmmmmm. It won't help others but, you will feel calm......

Granny

[bittsen]

Dear Granny.

What does one have to do to get one's question answered in this forum?

[thedeadpirate]

Dear Granny,

I want to be out geocaching, but it's raining.

What should I do?

Wet in Wyoming

[2oldfarts (the rockhounders)]

bittsen, on Jul 10 2010, 09:27 AM, said:

Dear Granny.

What does one have to do to get one's question answered in this forum?

Is being breedable a requirement for your career.

If so, so sorry.


Me

[2oldfarts (the rockhounders)]

GeoBain, on Jul 10 2010, 09:39 AM, said:

Dear Granny,

I want to be out geocaching, but it's raining.

What should I do?

Wet in Wyoming

Greetings Wet in WY,

You have 2 choices.

Choice 1 - Get wet.

Choice 2 - Move to Arizona where it seldom rains.


Me

[humboldt flier]

Dear Granny,
What is the answer to why and is it the same as the answer to why not?

[2oldfarts (the rockhounders)]

humboldt flier, on Jul 10 2010, 10:26 AM, said:

Dear Granny,
What is the answer to why and is it the same as the answer to why not?

Greetings,

The answer is the same. Now, shut up and go to your room!


Me

[thedeadpirate]

Dear Granny,

My forum addiction and subsequent unemployment and divorce have taken their toll on my physique.

What should I do?

Beer Belly Bob

[2oldfarts (the rockhounders)]

GeoBain, on Jul 10 2010, 02:58 PM, said:

Dear Granny,

My forum addiction and subsequent unemployment and divorce have taken their toll on my physique.

What should I do?

Beer Belly Bob

Dear Beer Belly Bob,

Nice hat!

How about a new 'Blue shirt' to go with it?

And a nice Belly Button ring also? But, a nice Blue would look more in tune with your clothing.


OOOhhh - Sooooo pregnant!

Granny

[WhoDis]

Dear Granny,

Why?

and

????????


Need MAGOR help

[2oldfarts (the rockhounders)]

EddieB606, on Jul 11 2010, 10:03 AM, said:

Dear Granny,

Why?

and

????????


Need MAGOR help

Dear MAGOR help,

Click and send that question to the Master of MAGOR.

Granny

[Colonial Cats]

Dear Granny,

Which is worse, ignorance or apathy?

[2oldfarts (the rockhounders)]

Colonial Cats, on Jul 11 2010, 06:52 PM, said:

Dear Granny,

Which is worse, ignorance or apathy?

Dear Apathetic Cats,

I Do not know and I really do not care.

Granny

PS: They say that ignorance is bliss. If that is true, then there are an awful lot of happy people out there!

This post has been edited by 2oldfarts (the rockhounders): 11 July 2010 - 06:02 PM

[knowschad]

2oldfarts (the rockhounders), on Jul 11 2010, 08:37 PM, said:

EddieB606, on Jul 11 2010, 10:03 AM, said:

Dear Granny,

Why?

and

????????


Need MAGOR help

Dear MAGOR help,

Click and send that question to the Master of MAGOR.

Granny

Dear Granny,

Why should I click that link?

The Dog that is Nearsighted

[2oldfarts (the rockhounders)]

knowschad, on Jul 11 2010, 07:09 PM, said:

2oldfarts (the rockhounders), on Jul 11 2010, 08:37 PM, said:

EddieB606, on Jul 11 2010, 10:03 AM, said:

Dear Granny,

Why?

and

????????


Need MAGOR help

Dear MAGOR help,

Click and send that question to the Master of MAGOR.

Granny

Dear Granny,

Why should I click that link?

The Dog that is Nearsighted

Dear Dog that is Nearsighted,

Maybe You should not. Click that link only if you desire to do so.

Do you have a MAGOR urge to do so?

Granny

[Robespierre]

Dear Granny,
I keep humming "It's a small world." What can I do?

[knowschad]

Dear Granny,

I have this "thing" about older women (forget for a moment, please, that I am a nearsighted dog, OK?). Well, maybe not older than me, but older than that younger person, anyway. Alright... older than that teenager over there with his skateboard. But especially for women that call themselves, "Granny". There is something so... so... sensual about the title of "Granny". Do you make your own homemade strawberry jam?

(signed)
The Dog that Knows Chad.

[Team Cotati]

knowschad, on Jul 11 2010, 08:01 PM, said:

Dear Granny,

I have this "thing" about older women (forget for a moment, please, that I am a nearsighted dog, OK?). Well, maybe not older than me, but older than that younger person, anyway. Alright... older than that teenager over there with his skateboard. But especially for women that call themselves, "Granny". There is something so... so... sensual about the title of "Granny". Do you make your own homemade strawberry jam?

(signed)
The Dog that Knows Chad.

Do boys with skateboards also like candy?

[2oldfarts (the rockhounders)]

Robespierre, on Jul 11 2010, 07:40 PM, said:

Dear Granny,
I keep humming "It's a small world." What can I do?

Dear Small World,

Try this Youtube link.

It will change your perception of the world.

Granny

PS: Do not come back complaining of seeing Little Fishies everywhere......

[2oldfarts (the rockhounders)]

knowschad, on Jul 11 2010, 08:01 PM, said:

Dear Granny,

I have this "thing" about older women (forget for a moment, please, that I am a nearsighted dog, OK?). Well, maybe not older than me, but older than that younger person, anyway. Alright... older than that teenager over there with his skateboard. But especially for women that call themselves, "Granny". There is something so... so... sensual about the title of "Granny". Do you make your own homemade strawberry jam?

(signed)
The Dog that Knows Chad.

Dear The Dog that Knows Chad,

I hate to let you down, but I do not make my own homemade strawberry jam.

But, I do know of one Granny who loves to cook and better yet, well - a picture is worth a thousand words...























Granny

[knowschad]

2oldfarts (the rockhounders), on Jul 11 2010, 10:40 PM, said:

knowschad, on Jul 11 2010, 08:01 PM, said:

Dear Granny,

I have this "thing" about older women (forget for a moment, please, that I am a nearsighted dog, OK?). Well, maybe not older than me, but older than that younger person, anyway. Alright... older than that teenager over there with his skateboard. But especially for women that call themselves, "Granny". There is something so... so... sensual about the title of "Granny". Do you make your own homemade strawberry jam?

(signed)
The Dog that Knows Chad.

Dear The Dog that Knows Chad,

I hate to let you down, but I do not make my own homemade strawberry jam.

But, I do know of one Granny who loves to cook and better yet, well - a picture is worth a thousand words...



Granny

Triple X strawberry jam, at that!!! That is exactly what I was thinking of! Thanks, Granny!!!

[knowschad]

Dear Granny,

How does one get strawberry jam out of one's bed sheets?

(signed)
Woof!

[2oldfarts (the rockhounders)]

knowschad, on Jul 11 2010, 08:43 PM, said:

Dear Granny,

How does one get strawberry jam out of one's bed sheets?

(signed)
Woof!

Dear Woof!

V-e-r-y C-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y.....

That stuff is Sticky!!

Granny

[Sioneva]

Dear Granny,

Puns have invaded the on-topic forum, and I can't help but play along! But I'm running out of good ones.

What can I do?

Pun-ishing Blue-Bow in Nebraska

[2oldfarts (the rockhounders)]

Sioneva, on Jul 12 2010, 07:38 AM, said:

Dear Granny,

Puns have invaded the on-topic forum, and I can't help but play along! But I'm running out of good ones.

What can I do?

Pun-ishing Blue-Bow in Nebraska

Dear Pun-ishing Blue-Bow,

Did you try Puns-R-Us?

Google is your best friend - sometimes.

Granny

[Harry Dolphin]

Granny,
Is it proper to put on your right hiking boot first, or the left. This always confuses me.
Right-Flippered Dolphin

[knowschad]

Harry Dolphin, on Jul 12 2010, 05:33 PM, said:

Granny,
Is it proper to put on your right hiking boot first, or the left. This always confuses me.
Right-Flippered Dolphin

I can't wait to see which boot Granny thinks is the right one, and which one is left after you put the right one on.

[AV Dezign]

Whenever I open a can of cat food, I make a point to check everywhere to make sure the cat is nowhere near, but as soon as I simply press the can opener on the can I hear "miaow" at my feet. So my questions is this... Since there is a speed of light and a speed of sound, is there a speed of smell?

[2oldfarts (the rockhounders)]

Harry Dolphin, on Jul 12 2010, 03:33 PM, said:

Granny,
Is it proper to put on your right hiking boot first, or the left. This always confuses me.
Right-Flippered Dolphin

Dear Right-Flippered Dolphin,

For you there can be only one answer, neither. Everyone knows that Dolphins do not have feet. So, therefore no need of Hiking Boots.

Granny

[2oldfarts (the rockhounders)]

AV Dezign, on Jul 12 2010, 06:08 PM, said:

Whenever I open a can of cat food, I make a point to check everywhere to make sure the cat is nowhere near, but as soon as I simply press the can opener on the can I hear "miaow" at my feet. So my questions is this... Since there is a speed of light and a speed of sound, is there a speed of smell?

Greetings speed,

Yes, there is a definite "speed of smell"!

After enjoying a plate of beans and you quietly cut one, how long does it take before others start looking your way? That is the speed of smell.


Me

[Sioneva]

Dear Granny,

------ ------------ ----- ------- --- ----- ---- --------- --- ------- ----- ----- -------- --- ------ -----?

--------- Blue Bowed in Nebraska

[2oldfarts (the rockhounders)]

Sioneva, on Jul 13 2010, 08:59 AM, said:

Dear Granny,

------ ------------ ----- ------- --- ----- ---- --------- --- ------- ----- ----- -------- --- ------ -----?

--------- Blue Bowed in Nebraska

Dear --------- Blue Bowed in Nebraska,

***** ******** *** ******* *************.


Granny

[lachupa]

I go on vacation tomorrow. I have everything I need to do at work finished and am just taking up space.

Do you think I can get away with slipping out an hour early?

I figure even if he finds out and gets annoyed, my boss has a week and a half to forget I left.

[2oldfarts (the rockhounders)]

lachupa, on Jul 13 2010, 12:26 PM, said:

I go on vacation tomorrow. I have everything I need to do at work finished and am just taking up space.

Do you think I can get away with slipping out an hour early?

I figure even if he finds out and gets annoyed, my boss has a week and a half to forget I left.

Dear Going on vacation,

I think if you have all of your work finished and seem to be just taking up space, why not slip in to see your boss with a BIG grin on your face, with a soda or a cup of coffee for him. Then just tell him you have finished up with everything you need to do and ask if he minds if you leave a tad bit early.

It should work like a charm and then you will know you will not be trouble when you get back.

Granny

[Harry Dolphin]

Dear Granny,
I tried to put on a blue bow, but every time I dive into the water, it falls off. What should I do?
Dolphin

[2oldfarts (the rockhounders)]

Harry Dolphin, on Jul 13 2010, 03:29 PM, said:

Dear Granny,
I tried to put on a blue bow, but every time I dive into the water, it falls off. What should I do?
Dolphin

Dear Dolphin,

Did you try to Dap it?

If that doesn't work, try duck tape.
Granny

This post has been edited by 2oldfarts (the rockhounders): 13 July 2010 - 06:17 PM

[knowschad]

Dear Granny,

Mr Harry Dolphin has written that, "I tried to put on a blue bow, but every time I dive into the water, it falls off. What should I do?", and you apparently have totally ignored the possibility of pool shrinkage. I respectfully suggest that you suggest that he retie the bow elsewhere.

Da Dog.

[Harry Dolphin]

Dear Granny,
What's the best way to get coffee off my keyboard?
Dolphin

[CacheNCarryMA]

2oldfarts (the rockhounders), on Jul 13 2010, 10:15 PM, said:

Harry Dolphin, on Jul 13 2010, 03:29 PM, said:

Dear Granny,
I tried to put on a blue bow, but every time I dive into the water, it falls off. What should I do?
Dolphin

Dear Dolphin,

Did you try to Dap it?

If that doesn't work, try duck tape.
Granny

knowschad, on Jul 14 2010, 12:28 AM, said:

Dear Granny,

Mr Harry Dolphin has written that, "I tried to put on a blue bow, but every time I dive into the water, it falls off. What should I do?", and you apparently have totally ignored the possibility of pool shrinkage. I respectfully suggest that you suggest that he retie the bow elsewhere.

Da Dog.

The ancient Phoenicians used pitch for such purposes.




I'm not sure what the teenaged Phoenicians used.

[thedeadpirate]

Dear Granny,

I have switched to a blue buff now and the blue bow still hasn't noticed me.

Blue in Bainbridge

[thedeadpirate]

Dear Granny,

Please disregard my last letter. The blue bow has finally shown interest in me.

Thanks so very much for your advice.

Beaming in Bainbridge


*** looks around the room and hopes noone notices the edit.

This post has been edited by GeoBain: 14 July 2010 - 11:39 AM

[2oldfarts (the rockhounders)]

Harry Dolphin, on Jul 14 2010, 04:11 AM, said:

Dear Granny,
What's the best way to get coffee off my keyboard?
Dolphin

Dear Mr. Dolphin,


It depends. Do you have cordless keyboard? Then Take out the batteries and then use a paper towel sprayed with a glass glass cleaner. If it is just a cheapie one with a tail, go to Wally World and buy another.

Live it up since you are the one who snorted and shorted your keyboard, upgrade to a Cordless Ergonomic Keyboard..


Or this one!


Here it is the Smartfish Pro:Motion Keyboard, which looks pretty normal, if you ask me, but it incorporates motors that shift the angle of the keyboard and the separation between keys several times during the day, so the wrist don’t stand a chance in resting too long in the same position. The keyboard is provided with seven “stations” the keyboard rotates through.

I am using an ergonomic wireless keyboard at this moment. I would never go back to a standard keyboard if I have any say. I 'have' to use whatever at work and of course on the laptop. (We did see a nice laptop with an ergonomic set up, but alas it was very costly.

Granny

[uperdooper]

knowschad, on Jul 14 2010, 12:28 AM, said:

Dear Granny,

Mr Harry Dolphin has written that, "I tried to put on a blue bow, but every time I dive into the water, it falls off. What should I do?", and you apparently have totally ignored the possibility of pool shrinkage. I respectfully suggest that you suggest that he retie the bow elsewhere.

Da Dog.

[2oldfarts (the rockhounders)]

GeoBain, on Jul 14 2010, 12:13 PM, said:

Dear Granny,

Please disregard my last letter. The blue box has finally shown interest in me.

Thanks so very much for your advice.

Beaming in Bainbridge

Dear Beaming in Bainbridge,

Do tell us, was this a Freudian Slip, perhaps?

It is indeed Fantastic news. Your "Blue Cap" is very chic also. According to the Blue Bow, you have been awarded a gold star. You could place that onto your Blue Cap, if you so choose.

Granny

This post has been edited by 2oldfarts (the rockhounders): 14 July 2010 - 11:30 AM

[Cpt.Blackbeard]

Ahoy Granny,
I been havin' a spot o' trouble with me crew. Jacks been gettin mighty thirsty and has been havin' a go at the crewman he holds responsible, why just the other day I found him lashed to the mast with a satisfied yet still angry smile on his face. Would ye be recommendin' keelhaulin' for the lot or thirty lashes with the Cat O Nine Tails? Or be there a better way me poor Pirate brains not seein'? Stiull can't figure out why the Rums gone.
Confused Captain

[Sioneva]

Dear Granny,

I'm a bit drunk and the lighttning storm outside is so pretty. Why did my batteries die?

Buzzed Blue Bow in Bellevue

[2oldfarts (the rockhounders)]

Cpt.Blackbeard, on Jul 14 2010, 06:20 PM, said:

Ahoy Granny,
I been havin' a spot o' trouble with me crew. Jacks been gettin mighty thirsty and has been havin' a go at the crewman he holds responsible, why just the other day I found him lashed to the mast with a satisfied yet still angry smile on his face. Would ye be recommendin' keelhaulin' for the lot or thirty lashes with the Cat O Nine Tails? Or be there a better way me poor Pirate brains not seein'? Stiull can't figure out why the Rums gone.
Confused Captain

Dear Confused Captain,

I love this scene from the Star Trek: TNG movie....

Please note the color of the ship!!

I am NOT suggesting that anyone should walk the plank - NOooo!

You need to go Pillaging and then stop by Pirates Cove to re-stock your Rum. Also, buy some blue paint and get your crew to paint the ship.

Aye, Captain, this is the best way to get your men smiling and satisfied.

Granny

[knowschad]

Dear Granny,

I think I may have a problem. I've been trying really hard to cut down on my forum postings, but I've been leading the pack all day long. I'm still 13 posts ahead of (gasp!) Ashnikes right now! This is really embarrasing. But TV sucks so badly that I'm forced to watch the Beer channel, even though it is all reruns. What to do?

PS: Did you know that Sioneva has not yet cached in Minnesoda?

[2oldfarts (the rockhounders)]

Sioneva, on Jul 14 2010, 06:35 PM, said:

Dear Granny,

I'm a bit drunk and the lighttning storm outside is so pretty. Why did my batteries die?

Buzzed Blue Bow in Bellevue

Dear Buzzed,

I do believe you just need to go get a full night's sleep.

It will do you a world of good and everything will be fresh (from the rainstrom) and bright in the morning.

Put on some background music, fluff up your pillow, turn out the lights. SLEEEeeeeppppppp.............

ZZZzzzzzzzzz............

[2oldfarts (the rockhounders)]

knowschad, on Jul 14 2010, 07:14 PM, said:

Dear Granny,

I think I may have a problem. I've been trying really hard to cut down on my forum postings, but I've been leading the pack all day long. I'm still 13 posts ahead of (gasp!) Ashnikes right now! This is really embarrasing. But TV sucks so badly that I'm forced to watch the Beer channel, even though it is all reruns. What to do?

PS: Did you know that Sioneva has not yet cached in Minnesoda?

Dear Top Poster,

I guess you have an ergonomic keyboard? Fingers O.K.?

Well, if so, take a BFH and use it on your left index finger. That will definitely slow down your posting!

By the way, even the people of Minnesota have not yet cached in - Minnesoda.

Granny